Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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