have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
