Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
