That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
