I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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