Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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