Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize