I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
