oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
