a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
