well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
no, he came in my armpit
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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