I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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