Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
