just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
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