hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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