I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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