i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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