It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
