I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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