you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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