somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
