Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize