I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
