I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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