TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
