i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
