I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize