I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
