I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
