The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
