Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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