You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
