like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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