If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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