I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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