I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
