I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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