Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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