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At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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