She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
