I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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