why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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