I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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