i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
