May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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