Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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