Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
