FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
