Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
if only i could text you this smell
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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