What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
