I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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