marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
