I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
