Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
