Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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