Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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