put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
