i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
