One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
