i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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