if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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